My Sister, My Friend.

 "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away." 

When Holly was barely ten weeks old, I began singing this lullaby to her on a daily basis. She was my Christmas present when I was in the 6th grade, when I was twelve years ago. I remember picking her out like it was yesterday...she was so pudgy and she actually attempted to crawl away from me while I was looking at her litter of sisters and brothers. For some reason, mainly because she was so perfectly white and beautiful, I knew I had to have HER. I wouldn't get her until Christmas Eve, because she was going to my biggest and most special gift that year. I remember Dad going to get her, a couple of hours away from our house, and as soon as I saw his lights coming down our road I sprinted towards the door. My mom asked, "Do you have a name yet?" I wanted something Christmasey and I don't really remember WHO picked the name Holly, but that was what we settled on moments before I had her in my arms. And for whatever reason, I wanted her middle name to be LOU. Holly Lou Rogers. She was the Christmas angel that my family had desperately been waiting for.

She was supposed to be an outdoor dog. My brother Nathan has always had deadly allergies to cat and dog dander, so this was never up for debate. Dad custom built her a huge pen outside as well as an entry through the barn where she would have a built in wooden bed, carpeted areas, and a space heater to keep her warm. Christmas morning I woke up almost before the sun, barely put a coat on, and ran outside to greet my new baby sister. She was grunting, which we eventually learned would be one of her biggest indications of pure joy, and I swooped her in my arms. She nibbled on my coat sleeve and I kissed her face a million times. I remember being scared to put her in the blankets of snow that waited us outside the barn door, because she was so white and so small, I was terrified she would get lost!! My dad had created a pathway from the barn to the house though, so I made sure that she walked beside me down the path and I took her inside to our pool room. [My family has an indoor pool that is a building attached to our house. Mom and Dad said I could play with her in there because Nathan rarely went into the poolroom, and she needed to be able to run and play. I played so long in that room with her, chasing her around the pool [she fell in MUCH too often and that is probably why until the day she passed, she was never fond of water like the rest of Labs.] When the rest of my family woke up, she was allowed to be on the couch with me while I opened my stocking and I remember so clearly putting a giant red bow on the top of her head. I was wearing blue pajamas that had cows jumping over the moon on them and they were from Limited Too. I have no idea why I have never forgotten why I was wearing this particular outfit, maybe because of the pictures we have of Holly and I that Christmas morning...

From that Christmas on, from age twelve to twenty-three, Holly would forever be my closest friend. She was the sister that I had always prayed for as a child. She was the friend that I had always needed. She was the angel that always protected me. Nathan was sick very often, which put me home alone very often. [I'm sure I had some adult in the house, or that Sean was there, but I really don't recall.] I always brought Holly indoors and took her to my bed once we were done playing in the pool room. And from day one, I always sang, "You Are My Sunshine," to her. She would lay with me for hours. She was never a licker and she was always very quiet. It's like her soul knew that I just needed simple and pure comfort. When Nathan returned from one illness in the hospital, I remember he got allergy tested. They tested him for the dog allergy and everyone was shocked--it had gone away and the doctor said he was NO LONGER allergic to dogs. Holly quickly became ONLY an indoor dog, and even quicker became one of Nathan's best friends. She went everywhere with us. Mom brought her to pick us all up from school. My friends and classmates would flood the van and beg to see her. Many of them called her Holly Berry or Holly Molly and Holly Loubell. She had a million different names, and a million different fans.

At the time I got Holly, we also had another dog named Chelsie. She was a black and white border collie and lived to be fifteen years old. Holly was very young, maybe only 8 months or a year old, when it was time for Chelsie to be put to sleep for numerous health reasons. I was devastated and spent hours sobbing outdoors with Holly. I don't ever remember wondering though, "How will I ever get through this?" and that is because I had Holly by my side the entire time. She never left. I balled under our apple tree and even at one point went for a walk, sat down, and balled in the middle of our very empty dirt road. She just stared at me and waited. As I write this now, tears are streaming down my face. Holly left the world at 3:36 this morning and I didn't get to say good-bye. Mom and Dad were with her, and told her that they loved her. But as I write this, I can't help but think, "How will I ever get through this?"

Humphrey & Elsa, my two precious dogs, are lying in bed with me and they have me tucked in so tightly that I can't move my legs. I know that I am loved and that I am taken care of. I know that God is trying to comfort me and give me peace. I know He is trying to help me see that Holly was miserable and not well in her last days. She was just diagnosed with kidney cancer and everything came on so quickly... I know one can't truly prepare for times like these, but my heart was nowhere close to accepting the fact that she really would not be with us here on earth for much longer. Before she was diagnosed with cancer, Asa and I watched All Dogs Go to Heaven, because I don't think I ever watched it as a child. As I write this, I can't help but find my peace in the popular phrase that all dogs certainly must go to Heaven...

There are a lot of questions in my mind. Ones that consist of, "How will home ever be the same? How will Nathan do without his Holly? How will I be able to survive going to Michigan and walking into a house that does not house her anymore? How will I get through Elsa tearing through my parent's house looking for Holly? Will my parents throw or put away her bedding? Her toys? Her bones? How will life ever be the same?"

She blessed us with her presence for eleven years. Her twelfth birthday would have been October 30, the day before Halloween. I know she made it to the predicted lifespan of a Labrador Retriever, but I suppose there was an unrealistic mindset for me that she would live forever. How could she not?? As I close this entry, I guess I will say a small good-bye that I didn't get to tell Holly face to face...

Dear Sister,
You are my sunshine. My only sunshine. You made me happy when skies were gray. You'll never know Dear...how very much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.
Holly, you caught many of my tears on your sweet, soft, white face. You listened to my heartbreaks and you so often bore my weight when I couldn't stand on my own. You kept me company while I did my routine runs down our dirt road. You loved chasing me while I road the go-cart. In fact, that's one of the last memories I have of you, Sissy. When I was home in July and Dad got the go-cart out for me... I told you not to chase me because I knew your hips hurt and that you were very fragile, but you couldn't resist. You barked and chased me a whole half loop around the yard. I think it made you smile. It made you feel like you were young again and like life was young again.
I'm trying to understand, but nothing is making sense right now. My world is shaking but I know Heaven stands, baby girl. My heart is breaking, and you have it in your hands. I know you hate to see me cry, but I can't stop just yet...You changed my life, Holly Lou. You made my world complete. Thank you for never judging me, for holding my secrets under lock and key, for loving me when I didn't deserve to be loved, for keeping me safe, for motivating me in times I felt I couldn't go on, and for being mine.
I think you lived a good life, baby girl. I hope you enjoyed every second and I pray you felt how much you were truly loved and adored. Thank you for watching over our big brother, for being his Holly, for being the most said word and name in his vocabulary outside of Garfield in his nightly prayers. You were his just as much as you were mine.
Holly, there will never be another you. There will never ever be another dog or even person who touched my heart the way that you did. All I can say is thank you, and beg God to give me peace and comfort during time morning of pain and tears. As I write, I feel like you are still here. And when I stop to pause, this feeling of such remorse shakes my body as in my head, Mom's phone call to me plays over and over again. You're body is gone, Holly, but you will never be gone. Please don't ever forget me. I won't ever forget you.
Love,
Your Big Sister.

A Long Time Coming...

The last post was January... it is now clear to me how unambitious I am at keeping up with a written blog, but alas, I will try to express some new found thoughts and things that have been going on since this past January. I also need to give credit to my beautiful sister in law, Jana Glass, for inspiring me to write. I just read some of her old posts, dating back to this past Christmas, and they reminded me that a lot has changed in my own life, that I feel needs to be "written down."

First of all, Asa and I just bought our first home! Praise God from whom all blessings flow! We are moving to Jackson street right across from Shelby Park, only about a mile away from our current Old Louisville apartment. It is a 3 bedroom, two story home, 1.5 bath, with about 1700 square feet-(Compared to our 900ish square foot 1 bedroom apartment!) It has a beautiful fenced in backyard and we are absolutely in LOVE with it. We move in July 23 with our wonderful two dogs and two cats, and we cannot wait to start using it for God's glory. Shelby Park is a very low-income, impoverished area and I know that God has people there, just waiting to meet us and hear the Gospel! 


The second piece of news that is much more personal and I hesitate even sharing on a blog... is that we came off "the pill." I had been on it since age 15, for numerous health reasons, so it had been a total of 8 years! I remember being a little girl and playing dress up and dolls with all my closest girlfriends, and I can recall how most, if not all of them, said at one time or another, "I can't wait to be a mom!" That was never me. I think I used to talk about the number of kids I would maybe have one day, but it was never something I believed I would do or most importantly, want. Asa and I have now been married for two and a half years, and during that time, all three of my sister in laws on his side have been pregnant numerous times, and I now have SEVEN nieces and nephews--well, three nieces and four nephews to be exact. [I should probably mention that they are my WORLD!] However...I would go through periods of bitterness that I was never quite able to explain. When my sister in law's Jana and Sarah, went in to labor with each child, I remember feeling so jealous and angry and emotional. Why?!? I remember calling my mom during Ryver's birth this past August, just in tears, balling my eyes out. I couldn't explain the reason! It wasn't until my friend and next door neighbor Allyson H. got pregnant and ran across the street to tell me, that I began to realize what the reasons were for what I felt, were crazy and irrational emotions... My entire life I had told people, "I don't want a baby. I don't want children. Asa and I aren't having children." I called my mom [clearly my "go-to person for all events...] and expressed how upset I was. Again, I was experiencing bitterness, jealousy, frustration, which clearly was not fair to feel even internally, since pregnancy is supposed to be a time of celebration and joy! My mom was so sweet with me, and she very gently said, "Ashley, until you admit that you want to be pregnant, that you want your very own baby... you are not going to feel better." I had been telling myself for as long as I could remember, that I could not have children, that I shouldn't have a baby, and for what reason? I think basically I had scared myself so dearly as a child, that I had trapped myself into believing these things. For those who are reading this and those who know my family, my oldest brother has severe cerebral palsy. I was the youngest child, and I remember specifically saying while I was in kindergarten or first grade, "I wish I was handicapped so I would get attention too!" WHAT A HORRENDOUS THING TO SAY, I realize that!! And I also remember being in the fourth grade, wondering what life would be like if Nathan were not in our lives... the very next morning I awoke to him having a Grand Mal, near death, seizure. I think maybe it was from that point on, that I convinced myself that I too, would have a handicapped child, all because of my horrible, sinful thoughts towards my very own blood brother. 

Nathan is a living, breathing, walking miracle. Period. He is the glue that has kept our family of five together, he is the reason for my other brother Sean and I's friendship and extreme bond, he is the main reason that I know God exists, and that it was God who created life and who takes life away. He is the reason I know that Heaven is real, and the main reason why I look forward to going there someday. When Nathan gets to Heaven, he will dance through those pearly gates, down the street of gold, and shout with joy that Jesus is real! Nathan is my hero. 


I went through periods of being jealous of Nathan [even jealous that he would be in the hospital because you see, "it gave him more attention.] Then I went through periods of being so overwhelmed with love for him, that I couldn't stop trying to help him read and learn and do flash cards. I have always LOVED Nathan. But clearly I struggled with emotions being the baby sister and having a brother with such special and severe needs...I wasn't able to grasp much of this until late middle school, when the feelings of jealousy ended and the love and pride took over...however, by that point I had already convinced myself that I probably shouldn't "be a mother," because in the past, I had been so fickle and I was scared of how I would handle the sheer possibly of having a son or daughter like Nathan.
Thank Jesus, for forgiveness and grace. I realize so often as I stand at the foot of the cross, how sinful of a person I truly am. I think it is safe to say that I owe much of my salvation to Nathan, and I can't wait for the day when I tell him at Jesus' side, how very much he changed my life.
All of this being said... 


I am married to a very wonderful and Godly man. The past several months, he showed me so much honesty, grace, love and patience and has shown me how blessed I am to be his. It was several months ago, when I was ending a stressful and emotional work week, and I had been careless with my pill that month--my emotions/hormones were all out of whack. We were watching a TV show, I don't even remember which one, and I just started quietly crying. We started talking and Asa said, "If you're not already pregnant, I'm going to be shocked." [I had been having strange food cravings and for me being a food cravings nut all the time, it was just kind of weird for us both.] Well, I started SOBBING at that point. Internally, I was so angry and sad because I knew I wasn't pregnant, [I have been so consistent and anal with taking the birth control every single month in the past. ] My husband knows me so well... he wrapped his arms around me and said, "Morgan, I think we need to be done with the pill. You are so upset right now because you feel like you can't be pregnant, and I think it is time." I started sobbing harder. It was very, very hard for me, painful almost, to admit that now, as a 23 year old woman, that I may actually desire this, something I had convinced myself into believing I would never, ever want. 

Only time will tell...but I will say this is the biggest "change" happening in my own personal life, and life with Asa. When I talked about possibly having kids, I would say, "Maybe when I'm 28 or 29..." which doesn't even make sense, because I knew I never wanted to be in my 30's having kids. So with all of those hypothetical questions and feelings of despair and irrational emotions... here we are now, a long time coming, as we await God's work and for His will to be done. Also I must say, I was never mad at my sister-in-laws or friends who got pregnant and had babies. I was always so excited for them, but somehow upset with myself. I don't want anything I've written to be misconstrued into something else. My friend Allyson is due October 19 and I have been documenting her week by week "bump." I am loving every second. It is so fun looking online and seeing what the estimated size of her baby girl currently is, as she grows and nurtures inside of Ally's womb. 

God is such a beautiful God, and I am so grateful that He has opened my eyes and shown me nothing but grace and love everlasting.

98 Years

January 30, 2011

Even though you have not seen him, you LOVE him. Though you do not now see him, you BELIEVE in him and rejoice with JOY that is inexpressible and filled with glory- 1 Peter 1:8

I'm on Aslan's side even if there is no Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian even if there isn't any Narnia- The Silver Chair C.S Lewis

Dear Gram,

I have believed in a Savior my entire life, which is a mere 22 years. Sometimes I cannot even begin to fathom what it must be like believing in Christ and professing the name of Jesus for not just 22 years, but for 98. While I realize you did not exit your mother's womb believing or knowing who Christ Jesus is, I know that at a very young age you learned and wanted Him for your own. You have taught your own children and your children's children what the love of Christ means, what it looks like, and to always trust it. I was reading 1 Peter yesterday morning and realized that the reason I find the passage so incredibly beautiful and inspiring, is because it sounds and looks like YOU. “While you have not seen him, you LOVE him. Though you do not now see him, you BELIEVE in him.” I cannot imagine all of the things you have seen in the past 98 years...I remember you telling Sean and I about the time the bobby pin was invented, and about the Great Depression. I used to ask you if you were affected or harmed by the Great Depression and you would tell me all about the farm and how you and your family never had to seriously worry about obtaining food or resources because of it. But I also cannot imagine the scary things you have seen or have been told—and when I try to fathom 98 years, almost a CENTURY, and the events that have unfolded, well, I am constantly reminded that the most important thing about those years is that you have loved and believed in Jesus.

I do not remember if you have read the C.S Lewis series “The Lion, The Witch & The Ward rope,” but they have always been an encouragement to me. Asa's family grew up reading them and when he and I first met, he explained that that series is what helped him greater appreciate and understand what salvation means and what Heaven looks like. One of my absolute favorite quotes from the land of Narnia is the one I wrote above, as I think that it really resembles how I view Christianity and Heaven. I'm on Aslan's side (God's side) even if there is no Aslan (God) to lead it. I'm going to live like a Narnian (Christian) even if there is no Narnia (Heaven) in the end. You are living proof that an individual can have solid faith, everlasting love, and a passion for something that is so clearly NOT just a religion.

Gram, I have told you often, but never enough, that I love you. You are my biggest hero, my inspiration, my hope and the largest reason next to my own mother, that I love God and aspire to be faithful my entire life. You have been so kind and perhaps vulnerable, to let me have or maybe permanently borrow, some of your journals...in these, I only continue to find more and more evidence of a Proverbs 31 woman: a woman who loved deep, worked hard, cared sincerely, and endured daily. I want to share something personal that I read from your entry January 30, 1993—your 80^th birthday:

“It was a blessed time—just one sad time—John couldn't be with me. He would have had his 80^th birthday last June. I know he's happier there in Heaven then he would be at any celebration, but oh I do miss him so much. Sometimes it seems I miss him more—not less.”
Gram, 18 years later and I am absolutely positive you feel the same way. I have never really shared with you how emotional it sometimes makes me to remember that you have been without your John, my grandpa, for 22 years. I was four years old when you wrote that entry in 1993 and today I am 22. As a four year old, I had no idea what loss truly was, sorrow, or what it was like to be without someone that I loved. Now that I have been married for two years, I have come to an understanding of what true love is, Christ like love, genuine and absolute. Two years is not long to be married to someone, but it is long enough that I sometimes will cry over the mere thought of losing my Asa...I say all of this to say, THANK YOU for being strong. Grandma, thank you for not giving up, thank you for holding on, and thank you for loving us the way that you do, even though I do know day by day, life may not get any easier. One last thing from your journal, New Years Day 1990:

“You see, I am just an ordinary person with no great about me, but nevertheless, I am precious in the Lord's sight because He cared enough to die for me.”

If you are “just an ordinary person” than I want to say the deepest thing you have taught me is this: Ordinary people can do extraordinary things, and that is EXACTLY what you have done! You have done extraordinary things for the Lord, for my family, for me personally, for our family's faith, for MY faith, and today, on your 98^th birthday, I want to say THANK YOU for being MY EXTRAORDINARY PERSON!

I will love you always and forever and ever. Happy Birthday, Grammy.

Love,

Your baby granddaughter, Ashley Morgan

January 30, 2011 was my Grandma's 98th birthday, as the letter above states. It was a blessing and a honor to be a part of it. She deserves the world and I am so grateful that she is my grandmother! 

Snow Day!

So far Jefferson County has had five snow days!! We are now down to finishing the school year on June 3rd. In all honesty though, I LOVE snow days and I'll take as many as we can get :D I'll teach until the middle of June if needed! Here are some fun photos I captured of our day. [We went over to Asa's parents house for blueberry pancakes and coffee, and enjoyed time with most of the siblings!] Here are some fantastic photos of Arie Rikku, our 3 year old niece!  

Here is the other Glass's new pup: A goldendoodle named Eliot! He is 11 weeks old and absolutely WONDERFUL! 

3 Day Weekend

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day which allowed for yet another day off school and teaching! So I did the usual: drank coffee, stayed in pajamas literally all day, and ran my dogs at the park to wear them out all the while to attempt to get more photos. It was a great day. Three days off of work and selfishly, I would love to have more, but I am ready to get back to the fourth graders tomorrow and to hammer out this four day work week! :) To God be the Glory!! 

A Brand New Year. Welcome, 2011!

A brand new year! I am so excited! We are part of a new church, the Avenue, where God has enriched our souls greatly! This summer we are going to try to do a mission to either Haiti or Romania (I would DIE to go to Romania....EUROPE has always been a goal of mine to see and experience, and it would be SO fantastic if I could be there doing missions while I experience it!!!) 
Some other recent updates are:  I'll be finishing 15 hours of my grad school in a couple of months, Asa has a teaching job with a teaching salary, I'm substitute teaching full time for 8 weeks at Dixie Elementary, teaching 4th grade for a teacher on maternity leave--and from there I go to Peace Academy, a state Psych school where my wonderful sis-in-law also teaches, and I'll be finishing up my year teaching middle school English. I pray that it will possibly lead to me getting HIRED as a teacher there at Peace, as I love the school, the kids, the principle, everything! And I would LOVE to work with Jana. I submitted some of my dog photos to TF Publishing, who e-mailed me saying they would love to use them for their 2012 Dog-A-Day calendar and 2012 desktop calendars as well. I won't get reimbursement for them, but it WILL count as a publication and I am thrilled about that. One of my biggest goals for 2011 was "to get published," and 6 days in to the new year, that happened! I hope to get better at my pet photography, get more subjects to shoot, and to also be published in Brown Trout calendars, as they are another huge publishing company. Below are some photos of my Golden, Elsa, who always sits so patiently as I take her picture! I love my Golden Girl! Happy 2011, Everyone! May this be a blessed and eventful year! 

November?

So basically I just should no longer have a blog... I am terrible at keeping up with it and I'm starting to think it's just pretty lame anyway. It's almost Thanksgiving, and Christmas as well as my 2 year wedding anniversary is quickly approaching! How is that even possible? That we've been married TWO years??? Wow! I thought weeks and months flew by! So does YEARS! 

I can't wait to go home to Michigan December 18th and be with my FAMILY for an entire WEEK! It has been FOREVER!! I hope there is tons and tons and tons of snow! A blizzard every single day! I would be in Heaven. I'm also excited because Sean and Beth will be there too at that exact time so the Rogers family of 5 will finally ALL BE TOGETHER! Woo hoo!!!!!!!! :) 

Asa and I are staying the night in the bed and breakfast where we enjoyed our honeymoon and are even staying in the same suite! I am so so so excited! Jacuzzi baths, a DELICIOUS breakfast brought to us by Pat, the innkeeper, and strolling the streets of downtown Holland, MI. LOVE this! 

I am quitting my job here at Kosair and my last day is December 10th. At that point I will have worked here just shy of 9 months.... again, time flies! I will lose my benefits and our health insurance, but we are going to try really hard to buy our own private insurance which shouldn't be a problem. I will be the long term sub at Dixie Elementary for a teacher who will be out on maternity leave; this is where Asa is the preferred sub and where he teaches every day. It will be SO FUN to go to work with him 5 days a week for 6+ weeks! I LOVE that school, I love the kids, the teachers, and I LOVE working with Ace. 

I am so ready to be done forever with 12 hour shifts and the business that the hospital environment brings. I am SO SO grateful to God for his grace and mercy for showing me that nursing was NOT the field I desired after all! I can't fathom if I had enrolled in nursing school at this point... 

By mid December I will have completed 9 hours of grad school in my MAT in Special Education :) I am enjoying it so far and I can't wait to have my own classroom. We are still seeking God's will as we both wait for contracts. . . 

We have started attending a brand new church, called the Avenue. It is such a gift from God! I mean... every single service it's like I FEEL Jesus in the room with us. I can feel his warmth and love just spreading all around us! Ben Hardman is the pastor; he is a husband to Sarah and a father to three adorable kids! He is one of the best speaker's I have ever listened to. There are a LOT of young married couples in the church and we have become friends with so many! The church is just now 7 weeks old and it is incredible... One of my newest and closest friend's, Allyson Harper, is amazing :) She is such a blessing in my life!! And it's been AMAZING to grow closer to Susannah Gilbert, an old Glass family friend who is 23, and one of the most incredible, Godly, loving woman I know! 

This summer Asa and I are going to try to go on a mission trip with Allyson and her family to Romania on a vision clinic mission trip for 14 days. We will have to raise ~$8,000 though, so we need to send out fundraising letters ASAP. I am dying to leave the country with Ace, especially before we have children (which God willing, may never happen but who knows what He has in store so I won't say "never....") My heart is soooo outside of America and soooo is interested in any other country.... I know that may sound terrible because America has our own poverty, despair, sadness and an abundance of non-believers... but my heart longs to travel and see the world! So I am praying God's will through this hope of mine...

Those are pretty much the biggest updates for now. I am excited for December 10th and to substitute teach the next 5 days after that and then after THAT, to hit the road home to Michigan with our PUPS! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!! 

I am forever grateful to my Savior for the plentiful blessings he keeps providing us with! 

Hello October!

October has arrived and it is finally fall. I cannot believe tomorrow will be October 3, 2010 and my Elsa will be 3 years old. It is her "Golden" birthday and she is a GOLDEN. So very sweet. To be honest, Asa and I completely forgot and it was he who remembered tonight after a very busy, long afternoon at our friends' wedding. I felt so terrible that I had forgotten. My pet's birthdays are very important to me and we always have celebrated with animal friendly cakes or cupcakes and of course gifts--and my mom in  Michigan always sends care packages! A little late now, but we are hoping to celebrate some tomorrow evening and maybe Monday get her a special tasty treat at Three Dog Bakery.
September was a difficult month. I had several severe illnesses right off the bat: first, strep throat, second, a severe sinus infection and lastly, I was sick for 7 days straight with a 102 fever, body aches, chills, sore throat, cough and breathing issues. The last illness turned out to be severe tonsillitis that pretty much spread to my lungs, resulting in significant respiratory problems! I don't ever remember a time that I was as sick as that and I pray to God I never am again!

I still am at Kosair and really not enjoying it... the 12 hour days are getting harder and harder on me and my body and I hate how raggedly run I am at that job. I also have been substitute teaching one or two days in between Kosair and for the most part have really enjoyed it (except when I get stuck at a terrible school with completely disrespectful kids! The 30+ classrooms are SO hard for me, as I really do not enjoy having and teaching that many kids! Hence why I am going into special ed!)

Currently, Asa and I are on a four day break together which hasn't happened in a LONG time, and it has been wonderful! September 30 we had Arie stay the night which was pure joy, the next day we had a marvelous brunch that we hosted to kick off the St. James Art Fair and all our family and a couple other friends joined us. Today we went to a wedding and Arie is over spending the night again. It's been the first time in my life that I was able to say to Asa, "I want an Arie." Having her in our household is one of the biggest blessings I could ever ask or hope for. I am so blessed to be her aunt and I know Asa adores being her uncle. Today at the wedding she was asked, "Who is your favorite person?" And she SCREAMED, "ASHLEY!!!!!!!!" It touched my heart beyond belief. She loves coming over and she always laughs constantly when she is here. We take baths together (she and I), eat yummy food, watch funny shows such as "D-d-d-d-ORA" (as Arie likes to sing,) and just giggle and talk together. I realize that in order to "have an Arie" we would have to have an infant first... which I am not really looking forward to someday, but when I know the end result is something as great and perfect as she... it has been the first time probably in my LIFE that I have been able to say, "I want one SOMEDAY." So that's a HUGE step for me and very new. I know that when she leaves and my busy hectic life starts back up, I will NOT admit to wanting my own child, so I'll just enjoy it while it lasts, ha ha. Noah and Jana are also such amazing, wonderful parents.. that I know without them, she would not be the little girl that she is; which makes me even more grateful for them and who they are.

Asa's birthday is approaching, October16, Sean's (my brother) is October 13 and Asa's mom, my mama in law, is October 27th. October should be a wonderful month!
Lots of birthdays, events, and fun planned that will of course be documented :D

August Keeps Gaining Memories!

August 25, 2010 at 10:20pm, Keats Asa Glass was born to Noah and Jana. He was 22 inches long and 8 pounds, 15 ounces! HUGE BABY! Jana did such an incredible job... she too, is one of my biggest heros! She is so beautiful and takes giving birth like a champion! I cannot believe they are now a family of FIVE (that's how big MY family--the Rogers--is!)

The sweet boy had such a bruised face and the umbilical cord was tangled around his neck! He is such a blessing and I cannot wait to hug and squeeze him! It will be so fun that he and Ryvers are only 2 weeks apart! I now have six nieces and nephews and feel so honored to be an Aunt to so many! Do I have baby fever yet? HECK NO! :)
Every day I am grateful to God that I come home to only my husband and our animals... I still can't ever fathom being a Mom! To God be the glory though, forever and ever and I am so thankful for all of his blessings!

"Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other. Faithfulness springs up from the ground, and righteousness looks down from the sky. Yes, the Lord will give what is good." PSALM 85:10,11

August Updates

The days just fly by don't they? 

Asa's sister Sarah had her baby boy August 10 at 8:56 in the evening. He was 8.4lbs and 22 inches long. Ryvers Calloway West is officially here! He is BEAUTIFUL. And Sarah did incredible. I'm not kidding... she was pretty much my hero. She moaned and groaned as any woman would in their contractions, but there was a peace about them that was so abnormal... Caleb soothed her so well in the delivery room and she held him tight as she felt each contraction. Soon it was time for Ryvers to enter the world and leave his mama's womb so Jana and I left and the Mother's stayed. She pushed a while and finally I couldn't take it any longer so at the very end, a nurse snuck me in behind the curtain and I was blessed to watch Ryvers make his grand entrance! I wanted to scream! Dark blonde (or maybe brown...) curly hair and a big ol' healthy body! Ten fingers, ten toes, one big bundle of beautiful-ness! It is so fun watching Sarah as a mommy now and will be such a blessing to watch them all as a family! 

Secondly, Jana will be induced August 31 if she doesn't go into labor before then. She is not DUE until September 5. So very soon, I will have to add Keats Asa Glass' photo into this "August Updates" blog! She is doing very well! And I will get the privilege and honor of being in the delivery room for his birth as well! [After I finish the GRE exam that day....DREADING that part of August 31!!!!] 

Asa and I are still begging God for contract teaching salary jobs in special education... we are waiting patiently but anxiously for Him to lead us. 

I will be substitute teaching again WHILE working at the hospital as well whenever I can get subbing jobs, in hopes to meet a principal who needs an ECE teacher! We shall see! 

More to come in August I'm sure, though I can't believe it's already almost over! ! ! 

July Updates!

It's been almost a month since I've written. Since the last post, I have enrolled in grad school and started my online class (taught by Asa's dad!) 3 weeks ago. It is SUCH a change being BACK in school! I'm only taking one class, and I feel like I have so much to do! Asa is taking three and kicking butt and he graduates in December WITH his master's in special education... I have no idea how I'll ever finish the program, because I dread being IN school, and all online course work is SO MUCH! However, I AM enjoying it and I'm learning a lot from the class I'm in. So it's very worth it. I've applied to JCPS for all special education jobs elementary through middle school. I very much doubt I will even get an interview for the county, with me JUST starting and there being so many teachers looking for jobs! We DESPERATELY need Asa to get hired as a salary contracted teacher however... so we could use some serious prayer on that front. Right now he is on my insurance at the hospital, and it would be SO wonderful for him to have is OWN, as well as to be making that type of salary! 


Each of the days I come to work, I am more and more made aware that I was never meant to be a nurse. I am so grateful to God for GIVING me this job, opening my eyes and saying, "See?? This is what you would be doing. This is what it is like!" I cannot stand being pulled in a million different directions. I know that as the PCA, I am the brunt of the staff... I do everything, for everyone, no matter what. Sometimes I have 26 patients, sometimes fewer and I realize nurses have 5 or 6 maximum, but they STILL have SUCH a demanding job!!! An IV being pulled out here, a kid needing meds there... I mean, it goes on and on for 12 hours straight! I do NOT do well not knowing where I will be one day, how many kids I will have, what the kids will be like...etc. 

The relationships that I do build with certain children, I never want to end. I got SO incredibly close to one 9 year old patient, when I left my shift that night I almost SOBBED because she was being moved the next day. The patient I have been with the past two days I have also gotten incredibly close with. She may be gave up to the state soon after her stay here, and it breaks my heart...  But again I can see how God has molded my heart and shown me that the time I have here with them is just not enough... I want to work in a small, intimate setting where I can watch children grow and learn and absorb and turn into the people they are supposed to become. Sometimes, I may get my hair pulled or be kicked or have a toy thrown at me (such as the past two days with this patient,) but the smile on their face, the relationship I would be building... it would all be worth it! I am so so thankful that the Lord has shown me that I DO strive for this. 


I can't believe that my sister in law Sarah is due pretty much any day now.. (Due August 12 but hopefully sooner!) And Jana, due September 5, we have no idea really... she may get induced but who knows when. And Ali (Asa's oldest sister) is due December 1. It still blows my mind that all 3 of my sister-in-laws (minus Beth on my side) are PREGNANT! Whew!!! 
ALL BOYS TOO! Did I mention that? I am VERY excited to see Sarah with a baby. This will be her first and I just can't fathom! I'm excited for ALL of them, but it's especially fun to see Sarah as a very first time pregnant woman :) She is so cute!  


OH! Very special update: our boy Humphrey turned FOUR years old yesterday! July 24 :)
We had a party for him (Asa and our pets and I) and Asa made a homemade cake for him as well as spoiled him with moist dog food. And my Mama of course sent a huge package in the mail with gifts and treats, not only for Hump but EVERYONE! She is the best!! So so sweet. 

Anyway, I'm exhausted and staring at a computer screen doesn't help! I have 3 more hours here with this patient and then I am off tomorrow (Monday). I work Tuesday and then I am going HOME TO MICHIGAN until Sunday!!!!!!!! I can't wait to see my Mama. I REALLY wish Asa could come with me... it makes me so sad I'll be away from him that entire week, but oh well I suppose. Ta ta for now!!!! :)

A Silent Prayer

Since I have been on day shift, I have sat with patients more than I have done actual PCA work--all of whom are psych teens! Last night I literally only got MAYBE 4 hours of sleep. My body is not used to sleeping all night every night so last night, no matter how tired it felt, it refused to shut down. I texted my Mom at 2 in the morning and she texted me the verse in Isaiah, "Thou will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee," and I said it over and over and over and over and over again.... It must have worked because the last time I looked at the clock it was 2:15 and the time after that it was almost 6am and time to get out of bed. 

When I got to work I learned that I would be sitting...again...with a psych patient...again. At first I was excited, because lately I have been incredibly lazy and have enjoyed just sitting: reading, playing on my laptop, and talking with the patients. But as soon as I entered the room, I felt a tension so strong, I couldn't believe it. The light was on, the Mom was in the room, the patient was yelling and screaming, "Don't touch me! Don't look at me!" I introduced myself and the patient said, "Can't you make the pain stop! Make it stop! Why aren't you doing anything!" And then she fell asleep... I soon learned that the patient had Asperger Syndrome, a condition that makes social interaction extremely difficult, much like an autism disorder. I then learned that the patient had attempted to overdose on Tylenol the night prior. "Pale as a ghost," the patient was described as being upon arrival. . . 

The Mom was like one I have never been around... constantly getting up to make sure the covers were properly adjusted and that the stuffed animal was close by to the patient. Even when the patient would yell, "Stop touching me!" Mom would soon come back to the bed and if do nothing else, she would just stare... 

I could feel myself getting so annoyed! So frustrated that this Mom wouldn't just SIT and let the patient BE! And then I realized...I have no idea what this Mom [and later Dad joined too], were going through. 

The patient woke up, made some phone calls, and seemed jolly and cheerful. singing songs, laughing at the TV, happily painting. It made me wonder, 'what happens now?' Isn't there a level of embarrassment that is indescribable. What do the friends think? What does the rest of the family think? How does life just, go, from here? I'm not going to lie: as a middle-schooler, I was looking for some attention while my brother Nathan was hospitalized. I missed my mom SO much... I was alone all the time. And the honest to god truth is that I wanted to go to my "boyfriend's" house and my Mom wouldn't let me. So what did I do? I literally SCRATCHED my wrist with a fingernail clipper blade, and I told my best friend at the time that "I was bleeding pretty bad." What did she do? TOLD HER MOM. Duh!!! Her mom called my mom who was 35 minutes away in the HOSPITAL with my severely ill brother, and who RUSHED HOME to be with ME, her lame daughter who had SCRATCHED herself (it really wasn't bleeding...) I don't even remember what happened after that? I'm sure my mom and I had a discussion about suicide and craving attention and I know my mom talked to my teachers about what a hard time I was having with Nathan in the hospital. I went to school the next day. I don't even remember if I told my BOYFRIEND! I was such a brat! Looking back on that, I can't FATHOM how I would have felt if I had seriously overdosed or sliced my wrist open--obviously leading to hospitalization and institutions! I look back now and see a young middle school child, jealous of her sick brother (selfish in other words) and in desperate need of attention (or so she thought) and who only felt stupid in the long run. It didn't fix anything! What was I thinking??? I wasn't, clearly. 

But still! That memory makes me think about these child's lives that I sit in on now...What are they like? Most of them overdose on some pretty serious stuff. This patient's Tylenol level was over 122 upon arrival, and doctors like to see it below 30 before discharging, so it was pretty dang high. What do these children need? The mom seems to be suffocating with all the love and attention she wants to pour out on her teen! I know the patient has Asperger's Syndrome, but as I mentioned before, seems happy, jovial, giddy sometimes. Mood swings have came and passed all day... as expected for any 16 year old--but I can't figure it out.  

My obvious answer is that every single one of these children and their families need Jesus. You know how you can meet someone and feel a Christian connection with them and can generally tell within minutes if they are a Christ follower? Well, I have yet to find that. These teens are lost. They feel as though they are without hope. They do not have answers and they do not  know where to look for answers. Some of the teens are schizophrenic and bi-polar. Some of them are manic depressive or paranoid. It just makes me wonder, how in the world will I ever be able to help them? I have such a desire to give and show love. Don't these children know that high school ends? Middle school for that matter! Don't they know there is MORE? There are mountains and valleys and green grass and wildflowers and blue skies and farms and animals and sunshine and colorful clouds and pretty moons and well, the list is endless. If only that were enough. If only naming those things could help heal a child's heart. The world is a scary place, a dangerous place, sometimes nothing but a black hole to these teens, and all they want--is out. 

I can only pray my heart out as I sit here in this room, listening to the banter between the family, that Jesus will spread His light. The patient will be transferred to an institution after being discharged, where therapy will be required. Will that help? Who will be in these teens' lives to show them that there is MORE.  

Lord, please be with me. Life is hard. Even I get depressed and sad and lonely in this life. But I have You, Lord. Please make yourself known to these children. You have said to let the little Children come to YOU, and I beg that you direct them there. Use me, Father, to guide their hands and feet. I want their voids to be filled with the magnificence of your love. If it your will, give me a teaching job where I can have more one on one time with real students. I want to do your work, God and be your hands and feet. Please help me. Always be the light in me that inspires others to BE. 

I love you and I am so grateful for you. 

Isaiah 26:3

Thou will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on THEE.

Tired Day

I am not adjusting to day shift very well! I could not sleep last night at all, even though I was pretty tired! I didn't actually fall asleep until around 2 a.m. and then I woke up every hour until I got up for work at 6am! NOW, I'm here at work and am exhausted! More so than I ever was during the night... Oh boy. This could be interesting! 
I'm sitting with a patient today. She is very sweet and makes me laugh. I love spending time with patients/kids! Some of their lives are so rough...more rough than mine ever was, and I remember being 15 and thinking my life was the worst! Little did I know! This one is in my prayers :) 


In other news, I officially applied to JCPS for elementary through high school special education positions! They received all my applications and I filled out the survey and I emailed most of the special school {state schools, i.e. psych schools] principals to give them my contact in CASE an opening occurs for one of those! I am so nervous and excited and I am not TOO hopeful about getting hired for this coming fall...but I sure am praying! I can't fathom if BOTH Ace and I had salary teaching jobs! With no children and just US, we would be able to buy a house, and start paying back student loans as well as pay off his car! I can't imagine!!!!


I am so exhausted... I can't even type really! I think it's time to lie down and watch some more TV. I doze on and off which I'm sure I'm not supposed to do but I can't help it! And this girl doesn't mind. She's SO sweet! 


We're having our friends Kenny and Krysten over tonight for a campfire and I'm very much looking forward to it! They only live a block away from us. It is VERY nice to have friends MY age, who have no desire to have babies yet, and who are newly married! God has blessed us!! He really and truly HAS blessed me and answered my prayer about friendship and girlfriends. Two girls from work I LOVE and have been starting to hang out with them outside of work--I love it! Thank you, Father!! :)

Days Keep Flyin' By!

Last time I wrote, I was pretty overwhelmed with the fact that I had no idea what to do in life. It looks to be changing however, as I have made some steps that I think are following appropriately the will of God. A week away from life was what really helped make things clear:

 Asa and I went on a romantic vacation to St. Augustine Beach, Florida the whole second week of June--and other than him developing a weird rash/itch all over his entire back and stomach the last 3 days, it was WONDERFUL. It was peaceful, quiet, everything we needed to recharge our batteries. As soon as we stepped foot onto the white sand right after checking into our hotel, I told Asa I felt so close to God already. I am deathly afraid of things in the ocean, sharks, sting rays, crabs, killer fish, jellyfish, man-o-wars, you know, pretty much EVERYTHING... so Asa had to really coax me into the water. I did fine in California with my best friend Lisa and my little boy cousins, but that was probably because there was a MILLION people in the water, and the little boys were FEARLESS... Once in the water with Asa, he held me and swam around with me in his arms... it was the coolest thing :) I asked him to pray, because I thought that would be an amazing way to begin this trip--so he did, and while he prayed, I couldn't stop smiling. I felt such peace and contentment... something I haven't felt in quite a while!
We swam and laid out for about an hour, and then went back to our hotel room where we slept like six hours! We did a LOT of sleeping this trip, staying up late, laughing, watching TV, exploring the historic downtown, and eating good food. Towards the end of the trip I told Asa I REALLY feel like I was made to have summer's off. Seriously... I think when God created me He was thinking, "And here's some genetic makeup to make her desire summers and holidays off, to always be with her husband and family." I've always told myself while Asa has been in grad school for teaching, that "I didn't need vacations, or time off, I could just work whatever job and be happy as long as it was the right job." And I have realized after working at the hospital for four months, that I crave time off with Asa, and that while working 3 days a week in 12 hour shifts helps me get several days off in a ROW, and I DON'T work five straight days a week... it's not the life I was called to live. The more I'm at the hospital, the more I have realized I really don't truly envision myself being a nurse... I don't see myself wanting to do IV's, or shots, or give meds, or keep track of meds, or clean up poop and vomit...I love patient interaction and I love working with kids. But I have realized a very significant thing: the interaction I have with these kids is simply not ENOUGH. I walk in to take vitals and get anything they need or want, but then I move on. And the same is true with nurses--they give meds, check on their kiddos, but they don't develop a HUGE relationship with these kids (at least on my floor) because that's not their job.
Sometimes I want to just sit and talk with the teens we get, for hours! Get to know them and laugh and somehow REALLY show Jesus to them. So it's all boiled down to and all signs have pointed to:
TEACHING!!!

I had been going back and forth the past two years over something medical and teaching. Towards the end of my subbing career I realized I could happily do teaching! Then once I was away from it, and working at a veterinary clinic, I went back to nursing. Now that I am a nurse ASSISTANT, and in the hospital every single week...I think God has opened my eyes and the decision has been made.
I could be completely wrong. He could be up in Heaven saying, "No, I REALLY don't want you to teach," but He's going to have to show me THAT door closing as well :)
So for now, I've enrolled at the University of the Cumberlands, where Asa goes, and it's ALL online! How wonderful :) Never stepping into a classroom AGAIN has been my DREAM.
I will be applying to JCPS very soon, over this weekend, and be praying that I can get a special education teaching position this fall. I don't see that happening, as I JUST enrolled in a master's program...but it would be pretty amazing. Asa is probably getting an open position at Dixie Elementary, where he's been a sub for 2 years, and we are so excited. I am SO proud of him! It will be SO great for him to have a SALARY, sick days, vacation days, and all summer off PAID! What an improvement for us financially!!!

Anyway, I wanted to write this all down, as I've been keeping track of my dreams and desires this way. I am very excited to see where God continues to lead us!

Faith and Submissiveness

I woke up this afternoon after working my 12 hours last night and immediately thought about the story of Abraham and Sarah: I have no idea why this was on my mind, the very first, as I rolled myself out from the covers, but it was--so I decided to re-read the passage that I am sure I have read mulitple times. 
First I googled it and read a whole short story on the couple--it was all about Sarah's faith and submissiveness towards her Lord and her husband. Through Abraham, she followed her God, even in times of doubt, sin and sadness. 
In my ESV Bible I found this so interesting in Genesis 18: 
The Lord appeared to Abraham in the form of a visitor and he was asked where his wife was. He responded, "She is in the tent." The Lord said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year and Sarah your wife shall have a son." Sarah was listening at the tent door and she laughed, saying, 'After I am worn out and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?" The Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Shall I indeed bear a child now that I am old?' IS ANYTHING TOO HARD FOR THE LORD? At the APPOINTED time I will return to you about this time next year and Sarah SHALL have a son." BUT Sarah denied it saying, "I did not laugh," for she was afraid. And HE SAID, "BUT YOU DID LAUGH."
It was at this point in reading that I had to stop and think... how many times have I laughed at the words of God? Granted, He has never spoken so incredibly clear to me as He did Sarah and Abraham and multitudes of people back in the Old Testament... but I just wonder how many times I have doubted. I can almost hear Him saying to my face the way He did Sarah, "BUT YOU did LAUGH." The rest of the story proceeds and in chapter 21 of Genesis, Sarah bears her first son, Isaac--which means LAUGHTER. She says in verse 6, "God has made laughter for me, everyone who hears will laugh over me." 


Talk about a beautiful story...Sarah was human, incredibly human. She sinned, she became angry in her sin and jealous of Abraham's other women [I would be too!] but yet she remained faithful and submissive to her God and her husband. She stayed true and she continued to believe. 
 Every night I struggle with the "what ifs" of this world. As I do my 12 hours at the hospital, I go back and forth, back and forth, between nursing, teaching, and a million other careers. I seriously have absolutely no idea what I will be doing in life... I know I have a heart for people, especially young children, and I have a true desire to see them know the Lord. I have left college and become more confused than I ever was--and as I look back and see all the mistakes and errors I have made, ALL I want is to do RIGHT in the Lord's eyes. 
So we will see. And I will wait. And I will pray. And I will trust. I have hope in my Savior and I will not laugh at anything he tells me to do.

Officially a College Grad

May 8, 2010 officially marked the end of my college career and gave me the title "Wife, Daughter, Sister, Best Friend, Auntie, and College Graduate." At first I was dreading the long day I had ahead of me but when I woke up, showered and had my morning coffee, I became giddy and thrilled. Once my brother and his wife arrived from TN and I put on my cap & gown, I became so excited for the events that were to follow.Although throughout the day I couldn't help but to wonder what my friends and past loved ones were doing or if they were even graduating...I was also filled with humbleness and thanks to my awesome God for the accomplishments He gave me. 
I could not have done these past 4 years without my family: Mom, Dad, Nate and Seany. Even though they were not the most excited with the decision to leave home and rush into college, they supported me and were there for me with my many phone calls home. Freshman year I shed a lot of tears, more tears than I sometimes care to remember. Pain from an ex-boyfriend: regret, agony, and just plain sorrow--each and every one of them was always more than ready to listen to me weep. They were there for me while I was growing significantly in the Lord, and were so excited to listen to my adventures with Campus Crusade. My first and only [Lord willing] terrible car accident, when I shattered my head through my window--my mom was on the phone with me as soon as my head went through that glass! Basically I just wanted to share my thanks to my family for their extreme love. They are my best friends and without them, I would not be who I am today.
Also obviously my husband. I met him my second year of college and he greatly influenced my choices and passions! He also helped me strive for the Lord and seek His face in all that I did and pursued. I am a blessed woman! 

Below are some fun pictures throughout my afternoon. My sister Jana graduated with  her double master's from Bellarmine University the same afternoon, so it was a LOT of fun to celebrate together!!! 

                                            A gift from Sean and Beth.

                                    Walking off the stage, hollering with my family!

  

Down Memory Lane

I am officially done with my Bachelor's degree! I said I would do it in four years and by golly I did! My question as I finished my last final [A&P] was, "What was the point of college?" What was the point of my $46,000 in college loans? Can someone please remind me, because I sure am clueless! I left campus feeling more confused than I was when I first started!!!! Over the course of pondering this question however, God struck some amazing memories in my brain and I just had to write them down:

[Most of this will be memories of the past 4 years!]

Okay, I totally know that God placed me at U of L for a very good reason: one and probably the most important reasons is that I met my Asa my sophomore year! I was very "anti-man" when I met him, but he sure worked his way in to my heart and the very first day I met him, I knew I wanted to marry HIM or at least a guy LIKE him. If I hadn't moved here to Louisville to pursue my jockey dream, I would have never met my husband! I'd say that's a pretty good justification of college debt :) I will never forget walking into "his" coffee shop (Sunergos Coffee) where he was working (and still works when he wants extra money) and him offering me a free cup of coffee to help me (a stranger) get through my day of 5 exams and a speech!!!!!!! 

Also if I hadn't moved to Louisville, I wouldn't have inherited the family [and especially sisters] that I have! I was looking back on old photos and found this of Asa, I and Arie when she was born! What a blessing this girl has been to my life...anytime I am REALLY sad or down, if I'm anywhere close to Arie, she can make me laugh out loud so hard that I am forced to get over it!

If I hadn't moved to Louisville, I never would have found out that God never intended for me to be a horse racing jockey. [At least...I don't think He did. Maybe he'll still blow my mind?] I got a job at Churchill Downs as soon as I moved here and was living my dream. I worked every day at 4:30 in the morning and was over joyed as I watched the Thoroughbreds that I had only witnessed on television thunder past me on a dusty track. My heart would practically jump out of its chest and I couldn't help but grin ear to ear... Unfortunately I had the wrong kind of boss, and went through some things I shouldn't have gone through... and when he moved back to Arkansas for the winter [and I had been working for him 8 months] I got a job with Winstar Farm at their training center in LaGrange, KY. Those were some of my most blessed days as well, as two of the men [who were like father figures to me] began to train me to exercise ride...Some of my best memories in this world are of me sitting in my favorite horses stall each morning [mainly Thunder's!!!!], getting there around 5am: they would be curled up in a ball [it was winter] under their cozy blankets and just stare at me. The men would warn me I was being crazy, that it was dangerous and I "could be killed" but I never cared...I trusted my favorites and they trusted me. I miss the track, and I miss the Thoroughbreds and I miss galloping down a track...but I know I can and probably will have it back someday--Thoroughbreds of my own with Asa! Someday, I will have my little farm <3 

ALSO if I hadn't moved to Louisville, I never would have gotten my baby girl, Elsa Noel. It was in middle school I decided a Golden Retriever was what I HAD to have...they were too expensive in Michigan, so I decided I HAD to have a WHITE lab puppy for Christmas instead. [And I did: Holly Lou, my baby sister, who still lives with my family in MI and who now calls herself "Nathan's Dog." She is now 10 years old, and completely was my dream dog.] However, she lives in MI so I decided shortly after dating Asa that it was time for me to get my Golden...I looked at ONE breed of Goldens and knew immediately that I wanted HER out of her 13 other siblings. She is the sweetest thing in the world, as similar to Holly, has gotten me through way too many rough times in my life. Her past 2 years have been the biggest blessings in the world to me...she really is like MY GIRL. 

If I hadn't moved to Louisville, I never would have been involved in the amazing diverse and different friendships that I was blessed with. Freshmen year, God supplied me with a group of girls who I hung out with ALL the time...while we drifted and parted ways towards the end of the year, I am still so grateful for the laughs and tears that we shared. 

As you can see, I loved a lot, laughed a lot, and lived a lot these past four years. I met one of my very best friends, Erin Marie [in the picture above] freshman year on the very first day of English class and she is one of the only ones who have stuck with me through the end which is kind of sad to say but at the same time, incredibly sweet. I met my husband, I figured out who I was, who I am, and who I want to become. I learned that I will always be a horse girl no matter what...even though I no longer pursue racing, I will always pursue my dream of owning my very own horse that I can gallop, sleep with, feed, and pick up poop after :) I learned that I have a deeper passion for special needs people than I ever fathomed, as well as a passion for medical ethics. I learned that in four years, people change drastically...but that God never does. I am so grateful for these four years. . . 

To God be the glory for all of these things and sweet, sweet memories.