Faith and Submissiveness

I woke up this afternoon after working my 12 hours last night and immediately thought about the story of Abraham and Sarah: I have no idea why this was on my mind, the very first, as I rolled myself out from the covers, but it was--so I decided to re-read the passage that I am sure I have read mulitple times. 
First I googled it and read a whole short story on the couple--it was all about Sarah's faith and submissiveness towards her Lord and her husband. Through Abraham, she followed her God, even in times of doubt, sin and sadness. 
In my ESV Bible I found this so interesting in Genesis 18: 
The Lord appeared to Abraham in the form of a visitor and he was asked where his wife was. He responded, "She is in the tent." The Lord said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year and Sarah your wife shall have a son." Sarah was listening at the tent door and she laughed, saying, 'After I am worn out and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?" The Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Shall I indeed bear a child now that I am old?' IS ANYTHING TOO HARD FOR THE LORD? At the APPOINTED time I will return to you about this time next year and Sarah SHALL have a son." BUT Sarah denied it saying, "I did not laugh," for she was afraid. And HE SAID, "BUT YOU DID LAUGH."
It was at this point in reading that I had to stop and think... how many times have I laughed at the words of God? Granted, He has never spoken so incredibly clear to me as He did Sarah and Abraham and multitudes of people back in the Old Testament... but I just wonder how many times I have doubted. I can almost hear Him saying to my face the way He did Sarah, "BUT YOU did LAUGH." The rest of the story proceeds and in chapter 21 of Genesis, Sarah bears her first son, Isaac--which means LAUGHTER. She says in verse 6, "God has made laughter for me, everyone who hears will laugh over me." 


Talk about a beautiful story...Sarah was human, incredibly human. She sinned, she became angry in her sin and jealous of Abraham's other women [I would be too!] but yet she remained faithful and submissive to her God and her husband. She stayed true and she continued to believe. 
 Every night I struggle with the "what ifs" of this world. As I do my 12 hours at the hospital, I go back and forth, back and forth, between nursing, teaching, and a million other careers. I seriously have absolutely no idea what I will be doing in life... I know I have a heart for people, especially young children, and I have a true desire to see them know the Lord. I have left college and become more confused than I ever was--and as I look back and see all the mistakes and errors I have made, ALL I want is to do RIGHT in the Lord's eyes. 
So we will see. And I will wait. And I will pray. And I will trust. I have hope in my Savior and I will not laugh at anything he tells me to do.

Officially a College Grad

May 8, 2010 officially marked the end of my college career and gave me the title "Wife, Daughter, Sister, Best Friend, Auntie, and College Graduate." At first I was dreading the long day I had ahead of me but when I woke up, showered and had my morning coffee, I became giddy and thrilled. Once my brother and his wife arrived from TN and I put on my cap & gown, I became so excited for the events that were to follow.Although throughout the day I couldn't help but to wonder what my friends and past loved ones were doing or if they were even graduating...I was also filled with humbleness and thanks to my awesome God for the accomplishments He gave me. 
I could not have done these past 4 years without my family: Mom, Dad, Nate and Seany. Even though they were not the most excited with the decision to leave home and rush into college, they supported me and were there for me with my many phone calls home. Freshman year I shed a lot of tears, more tears than I sometimes care to remember. Pain from an ex-boyfriend: regret, agony, and just plain sorrow--each and every one of them was always more than ready to listen to me weep. They were there for me while I was growing significantly in the Lord, and were so excited to listen to my adventures with Campus Crusade. My first and only [Lord willing] terrible car accident, when I shattered my head through my window--my mom was on the phone with me as soon as my head went through that glass! Basically I just wanted to share my thanks to my family for their extreme love. They are my best friends and without them, I would not be who I am today.
Also obviously my husband. I met him my second year of college and he greatly influenced my choices and passions! He also helped me strive for the Lord and seek His face in all that I did and pursued. I am a blessed woman! 

Below are some fun pictures throughout my afternoon. My sister Jana graduated with  her double master's from Bellarmine University the same afternoon, so it was a LOT of fun to celebrate together!!! 

                                            A gift from Sean and Beth.

                                    Walking off the stage, hollering with my family!

  

Down Memory Lane

I am officially done with my Bachelor's degree! I said I would do it in four years and by golly I did! My question as I finished my last final [A&P] was, "What was the point of college?" What was the point of my $46,000 in college loans? Can someone please remind me, because I sure am clueless! I left campus feeling more confused than I was when I first started!!!! Over the course of pondering this question however, God struck some amazing memories in my brain and I just had to write them down:

[Most of this will be memories of the past 4 years!]

Okay, I totally know that God placed me at U of L for a very good reason: one and probably the most important reasons is that I met my Asa my sophomore year! I was very "anti-man" when I met him, but he sure worked his way in to my heart and the very first day I met him, I knew I wanted to marry HIM or at least a guy LIKE him. If I hadn't moved here to Louisville to pursue my jockey dream, I would have never met my husband! I'd say that's a pretty good justification of college debt :) I will never forget walking into "his" coffee shop (Sunergos Coffee) where he was working (and still works when he wants extra money) and him offering me a free cup of coffee to help me (a stranger) get through my day of 5 exams and a speech!!!!!!! 

Also if I hadn't moved to Louisville, I wouldn't have inherited the family [and especially sisters] that I have! I was looking back on old photos and found this of Asa, I and Arie when she was born! What a blessing this girl has been to my life...anytime I am REALLY sad or down, if I'm anywhere close to Arie, she can make me laugh out loud so hard that I am forced to get over it!

If I hadn't moved to Louisville, I never would have found out that God never intended for me to be a horse racing jockey. [At least...I don't think He did. Maybe he'll still blow my mind?] I got a job at Churchill Downs as soon as I moved here and was living my dream. I worked every day at 4:30 in the morning and was over joyed as I watched the Thoroughbreds that I had only witnessed on television thunder past me on a dusty track. My heart would practically jump out of its chest and I couldn't help but grin ear to ear... Unfortunately I had the wrong kind of boss, and went through some things I shouldn't have gone through... and when he moved back to Arkansas for the winter [and I had been working for him 8 months] I got a job with Winstar Farm at their training center in LaGrange, KY. Those were some of my most blessed days as well, as two of the men [who were like father figures to me] began to train me to exercise ride...Some of my best memories in this world are of me sitting in my favorite horses stall each morning [mainly Thunder's!!!!], getting there around 5am: they would be curled up in a ball [it was winter] under their cozy blankets and just stare at me. The men would warn me I was being crazy, that it was dangerous and I "could be killed" but I never cared...I trusted my favorites and they trusted me. I miss the track, and I miss the Thoroughbreds and I miss galloping down a track...but I know I can and probably will have it back someday--Thoroughbreds of my own with Asa! Someday, I will have my little farm <3 

ALSO if I hadn't moved to Louisville, I never would have gotten my baby girl, Elsa Noel. It was in middle school I decided a Golden Retriever was what I HAD to have...they were too expensive in Michigan, so I decided I HAD to have a WHITE lab puppy for Christmas instead. [And I did: Holly Lou, my baby sister, who still lives with my family in MI and who now calls herself "Nathan's Dog." She is now 10 years old, and completely was my dream dog.] However, she lives in MI so I decided shortly after dating Asa that it was time for me to get my Golden...I looked at ONE breed of Goldens and knew immediately that I wanted HER out of her 13 other siblings. She is the sweetest thing in the world, as similar to Holly, has gotten me through way too many rough times in my life. Her past 2 years have been the biggest blessings in the world to me...she really is like MY GIRL. 

If I hadn't moved to Louisville, I never would have been involved in the amazing diverse and different friendships that I was blessed with. Freshmen year, God supplied me with a group of girls who I hung out with ALL the time...while we drifted and parted ways towards the end of the year, I am still so grateful for the laughs and tears that we shared. 

As you can see, I loved a lot, laughed a lot, and lived a lot these past four years. I met one of my very best friends, Erin Marie [in the picture above] freshman year on the very first day of English class and she is one of the only ones who have stuck with me through the end which is kind of sad to say but at the same time, incredibly sweet. I met my husband, I figured out who I was, who I am, and who I want to become. I learned that I will always be a horse girl no matter what...even though I no longer pursue racing, I will always pursue my dream of owning my very own horse that I can gallop, sleep with, feed, and pick up poop after :) I learned that I have a deeper passion for special needs people than I ever fathomed, as well as a passion for medical ethics. I learned that in four years, people change drastically...but that God never does. I am so grateful for these four years. . . 

To God be the glory for all of these things and sweet, sweet memories.