Counting My Blessings

I sit here this Saturday morning, watching the sun rise, and feeling a pit in my stomach and a lump in my throat. It is all beginning to settle in. I have finished 2 long weeks of a third shift job, 12 hour shifts at that, in a children's hospital, all the while going to school 3 days a week and getting over strep throat/bronchitis/and a sinus infection with high fevers. In this very moment, I can imagine myself crawling into my Asa's lap, tears streaming down my face and just being rocked by him so gently and sweetly...[because he picked up a shift at Sunergos this morning to make up for the hours lost unpaid while he is on spring break from teaching, I cannot do this...]
I love working with patients, especially kids. [There is nothing in me that enjoys working with the babies however...so I am learning quickly that the things I thought I wanted to do, are things I really dislike doing!] Getting a blood pressure on a wailing, ballistic, teeny, tiny infant is one of the hardest things I have ever done! Getting peed on by them while trying to weigh them does not help this matter. I do love making children laugh and I love laughing with them. I love it when a four year old boy tells me his teddy bear "is not real" and that "I don't have to worry because it is just pretend" and "only for sleeping." I love it when a two year old can speak so fluently and in such an adorable tone, that all I can do is giggle and tell her over and over how cute she is, in return getting the response, "Thanks, I know." I love helping special needs children and getting attached to them. I love the kiddos who say, "Nope. No. Nope," but still hold out their arm for me to wrap the blood pressure cuff around it just the same. You see, all of these things I truly do love. Which is why I am so grateful to God that He gave me this job...to keep opening up my eyes, revealing my strengths and great weakness's...to soften my heart towards children but still hold firmly in my heart that I don't want my own for a very long time, if ever. I do not enjoy the gossip or the slander that some of my co-workers do towards each other, or the fact that I cannot yet recognize a single Christian soul who so clearly just loves Christ...but all of that just reminds me that I need to be a light and a crystal clear picture of the grace and mercy of God.
I do not get to see Asa often....and I am really starting to worry about school and finishing strong in my 16 hours of classes with good grades. I am looking forward to April 27th, when I will be done with my undergraduate degree and May 8th, when I will get to walk with my peers at graduation: I just need a lot of strength and determination to do these things. I know there is an end in site...and I know that I have my God and my Savior. Without Him, I could do nothing and I would be nothing. The past two weeks I have been incredibly humbled... more humbled than I have been since I can remember, at the strength and will power Christ has given me. There is no way on earth that I could be doing what I have been doing...without Him. I am so thankful and grateful that He is my father--and I know as long as I can continue to trust and hope in Him, He will bless me.
This morning I am encouraged by the following in Proverbs: 
The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tounge is from the Lord...Commit your works to the Lord, and your plans will be established. The Lord has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble...By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for...The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his step. Proverbs 16:1-9
There is a reason God gave me this PCA job. No matter how hard or tired I get, HE gave it to me and I am so blessed by that. I may have plans, but the Lord gets to decide. I will have steadfast love and I will forever be faithful to my God. 
I better try to go get some sleep... I only slept 2 hours yesterday and it's going on 9am, which means I've been home almost 2 hours and my dogs are NOT going to enjoy sleeping ALL day with their boring old MOM!!!!!!!